We’d like to know a little bit about your for our files
Well, Google, I’m here to help. I’ll be honest; I lie a lot, not all the time, but enough to keep others honest. Do you know what I’m saying here, Google? I’m saying I am Batman.
I understand that information is property, and I don’t give away property knowingly unless it’s to charity or a friend like Robin or my butler what’s-his-name. Otherwise, information about me belongs to me — maybe my batdoctor or batdentist, but that’s it.
I understand your curiosity, Google. I’m curious myself — about why you want to know a little more about me. I know what you’re going to say — to serve me better, right? That’s why customer services routinely record conversations — for quality control purposes. Isn’t that the party line?
That seems noble enough, but Batman does not operate in full transparency. Information about me is worth plenty on the villain market, and were it to leak, frankly, it would damage the Bat Business Plan. (I’m hoping to franchise soon.)
Maybe it’s my nature, or maybe it’s my vocation, but I am skeptical of most things, including your desire to know more about me. I fear you will build a deep profile on me — my likes, dislikes, political leanings, sandwich preference, favorite music, injuries or conditions, driving record, income, outflow, all methods of contact — and then sell that information to others as part of your relentless advertising mission — or worse.
The other day, Robin was on some dating site and up came a landscape ad for non-chafing Teflon tights, which smells of more than coincidence given his current condition. Even the Joker complains of being bombarded with pop-ups for plastic surgeons. These things are more than an annoyance; they waste valuable time that is better spent on the eternal battle of good against evil.
I hope these lies are enough for you. If you wish to use Batman again, please request my Terms of Batservice.
