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Name the tumor and win FREE FredTunes.

by everysandwich

I might have mentioned this thing on my face, which I thought was a stubborn zit, but turns out to be a basal cell cancer growth. (Thanks, Mr. sun!) Regular readers also know that I tend to name things — like my cars, Mr. Clackity and Mr. Lurchy, or the people associated with Mr. Clackity, whom I will name “defendants.”

Well, because the basal growth is so common, I’ll be hosting him until the doc can squeeze me in at the end of the month. Obviously, that kind of familiarity with a growth calls for a name, which creates an exciting promotional opportunity with which to engage the Sandwich readership. So here’s the contest.

Come up with the winning name for my face tumor (see, “face tumor” just doesn’t sing, does it?) and win any three tunes of your choice in the Fred store, up to a bazillion-dollar value, which is something I can only say because they’re currently available on a name-your-price basis. Theoretically George Soros or a Tyco executive could wander in there drunk and choose some extravagant price.

But wait! There’s More!!

Not only will the winner get three free FredTunes, but he or she will also be put on this year’s Aunt Mary Christmas list! Up to an utterly worthless value, unless you count laughter, which is priceless.

The winner will be chosen by a vote of readers — or if there aren’t enough, by me. There’s only one caveat. Your submission must be better than my current name for the face tumor, which is “Sandy Berger.”

Entries should go in the comments section. We appreciate your engagement with brand Fred.

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24 comments

1 Kymber { 11.02.07 at 12:48 pm }

Hillary. :p

2 everysandwich { 11.02.07 at 1:14 pm }

Lol! Well, I have to admit, that’s a mighty fine entry. It has the advantage of brevity as well as slightly more relevance. Aunt Mary is already rooting through the basement in case you win.

3 Cal Evans { 11.02.07 at 8:26 pm }

I think it’s obvious…

Mr. T

=C=

p.s. oh PLEASE, you’ve known me a year now and you didn’t see that coming?

4 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:37 pm }

Snackcake!

5 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:39 pm }

Lovebug

6 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:41 pm }

Lloyd

7 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:42 pm }

Wherewannagotalunch

8 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:44 pm }

George Soros

(increases the odds he’ll buy high at the fred store)

9 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:46 pm }

Fine Corinthian Leather

(if this one doesn’t win, the contest is rigged)

10 Ednita { 11.08.07 at 3:47 pm }

Chino

11 Edna Again { 11.08.07 at 3:48 pm }

Google

12 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:54 pm }

Spanky

13 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:56 pm }

Donner

14 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:57 pm }

Blitzen

15 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:57 pm }

Donner Party

16 Edna { 11.08.07 at 3:58 pm }

Purty Lil Special Thang That Didn’t Get the Memo

17 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:03 pm }

Miss Molly

(Good Golly prefix optional)

18 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:05 pm }

Tiny Precious Angel-Button

19 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:06 pm }

Skeeter

20 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:11 pm }

Wanda

21 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:15 pm }

Fleurs de Bulgarie

22 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:24 pm }

DJ Vox Populi

23 Edna { 11.08.07 at 4:29 pm }

And the winner is………………

Dos Mas

24 Debinze { 11.09.07 at 4:54 am }

Howzabout, oh I dunno, Uma? Like Uma Thurman, see, but this one to be “Uma the Tumah?”

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