How Telecheck and First Data Corporation make my life easier.
In thinking about the family’s frustration with First Data Corporation’s Telecheck, I’ve finally drilled down to the comedic nugget that at least brings a fleeting sardonic smile to our faces. It’s not the claim I’ve pasted at left, though I have to admit it’s pretty funny in the context of our situation.
No, the amusing element to me is elsewhere, and were I in a better mood I could probably punch it up closer to the Python zone, where it belongs.
Telecheck Drone: …and so, because the clerk at J.C. Penney wrote the wrong driver’s license number on your check, the negative information associated with the owner of the incorrect number is now attached to your account.
Customer: And that’s why I can’t spend my own money?
Telecheck Drone: That’s correct sir.
Customer: It’s not like I’m just throwing the money away, you know. Much of it is spent on food and housing.
Telecheck Drone: Your account has negative information, sir.
Customer: But it’s incorrect negative information. It belongs to someone else.
Telecheck Drone: You’ll need to write us a letter explaining how the negative information became attached to your account.
Customer: But you already know that. You just told me.
Telecheck Drone: I can neither confirm nor deny.
Customer: Look, I heard that this call is being recorded for quality control purposes. Why don’t you just listen to that?
Telecheck Drone: There are laws about recording conversations.
Customer: You could get a parrot.
Telecheck Drone: Write us a letter explaining what I just told you. Include some cancelled checks. And photocopies of your driver’s licenses. Then we’ll review your case and make our decision. Thanks for calling Telecheck.
Customer: I’m hungry.
Anyway, I’ve been reading up on Telecheck and First Data a little bit. First I’d like to share that they offer a POS value, in case you were unaware.
So, you know, don’t spend too much on your POS when you can get a proven POS solution.
I personally will vouch for the claim that Telecheck is a huge, gigantic POS. In fact, when I think POS, I think — Telecheck and First Data Corporation.
Meanwhile, I’ve made a little picture flowchart of the adventure so far. (Click it for full size,) and as I did so, it occurred to me that this mess might make a nice little video as I go around town trying to buy groceries with my unfairly tainted checkbook.
I know it might seem I’m overreacting. Maybe I could solve this issue and move on with my life in a week or so by sending in my paperwork to Telecheck, but it’s the larger implications here that fry my ham.
I’m just an average consumer. I have no relationship with Telecheck or First Data except as a third-party pawn sandwiched between my gigantic bank, Telecheck and whatever merchants I want to buy from.
It is not my job nor responsibility to correct Telecheck’s crappy information unless that information came from me. It’s not my function to help their business run more efficiently and profitably with information that’s actually worth a crap. In fact, if their crappy information prevents me from spending my own money, they have a responsibility to me to fix it. It would seem to me they also have a responsibility to the businesses that are their customers to make it as simple as possible for consumers to spend their money at those businesses.
But Telecheck and First Data can’t seem to see the logic.
Let’s see what else they’re into.
Jeebus H…
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You’re just messing with me now.
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We’re doomed.
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